And Finally’s…………

And finally…………Telling someone ‘You are shit’ and ‘You ain’t shit’ are both insults

 

And finally………….A light switch is also a dark switch!

 

And finally……….If you want a fast and accurate device that tells you exactly when the wifi is down, just have kids!
And finally………..Out of all the mammals on earth….humans and cats are the only ones who seem to give a shit about where they shit!

 

And finally………I think we should all take a moment and thank the friggin Lord that our bodies don’t shit while we’re asleep!

 

And finally……..Employers.  Avoid hiring ‘unlucky’ people by simply throwing half the CVs you receive in the post into the bin!!

 

And finally…….. Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise party.

 

And finally…… Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I don’t have manners.  I say “please” when I tell someone to fuck off!!

 

And finally……My local bondage club was robbed last night, and we were all left bound and gagged.  We fuckin loved it!!

 

And finally…….I bought a new strimmer this morning.  Apparently it’s cutting hedge technology…

 

And finally…… My local bondage club was robbed last night, and we were all left bound and gagged. We fuckin loved it ! ………..

 

And finally……..latest trends….? I hear that reincarnation is making a comeback!

 

And finally………if Dolphins are so fucking clever………..then why didn’t they invent boats?

 

And finally………….Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia….hwoevre, this si olny ni etxreem caess fo slef abbbusse!!

 

And finally…………Studies have proven that cats are smarter than dogs.
How many cats do you see sat by a homeless person?

 

And finally………..I bought one of those Superdry coats last week…but it had a rip. Super-fuckin-wet when it rained yesterday.
Bugger!

 

And finally…………….I’m so very grateful to Facebook…….without it I would have to call over 600 people at 2am in the morning and tell them I was going to bed!

 

And finally………………. Save money this Christmas by simply buying your kids an Easter egg each and telling them they overslept!!

 

And finally………… I’ve had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fucking fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it! Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

 

And finally…… I was driving past a field the other day and saw a Scarecrow trying to have a wank! I thought to myself, “that fuckers’ clutching at straws.”

 

And finally…….. I’ve just been up the attic to get the decorations down and come across a present I forgot to give the kids last Christmas. It’s a bloody shame as well as they would have loved that kitten!! ……..

 

And finally……… I threw a dart at a map of the world on my bedroom wall the other day, and went to where it landed for my holidays. I had a fantastic week sat on the floor next to my wall.

 

And finally……. People think Stephen Hawking is so clever, but when you ask him a question and he is typing in the answer on his little screen, how do we know he isn’t just looking up the answer on the Internet?

 

And finally……. I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I’m not a coward, I just realize that it would be largely pointless.

 

And finally………. I hate it when I don’t forward a chain letter, and I die the next day !!

 

And finally…….Does anyone know a cure for excessive ear wax? If you do, please give me a shout……!!

 

And finally…….. Being in politics is like smoking Marijuana. The more you suck…..the higher you get!!

 

And finally……. I’ve just discovered that if you close your eyes and rub a kiwi fruit in one hand, and rub one of your testicles with the other, it’s very difficult to tell the fucking difference. ….. Oh…..and it also gets you banned from the supermarket!!