The straighteners I bought my sister for xmas are rubbish. She's used them every day since and she's still a lesbian.
I got touched inappropriately at work today by my boss But it’s fine........I’m self-employed.
Wife: "I wish I had bigger tits" Husband: "Try rubbing paper between them" Wife:"Do you think that works?" Husband: "Well it did for your fucking arse!"
Got attacked by two thugs the other night but somehow I managed to knock one out..... Bit of an inopportune time, I know, but it scared them off....
My friend asked me if I wanted to wind her new born baby? I thought that was a bit harsh......so I just gave him a dead leg instead.
But Not Big To Kong is so amazingly incredibly addictive, if it’d been around in ancient times Moses would’ve taken two copies into the Ark with him, and locked himself in the bog for a week with some wet wipes. Or was that the other bloke with the beard?