Author: Gaz Quaggan @GazQuaggan

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm.  Apparently I ruined that funeral.

I used to sleep with a set of twins. People always asked how I could tell them apart.  I said it's easy, Mary always paints her nails purple.....and George has a cock....

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Because your mum loves Easter, it's an anagram. Son: Thanks dad. Dad: No problem Alan.

Apparently Bin Laden's wife was terrible at hand jobs. They called her the terror-wrist.

How do you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?  It's not hard. 🤔🤭🙄🤗

Attention Seeking Cunt Disorder 

What is soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you wake up? Vomit

Those bastards in the pub, they told me it would be okay to keep a chicken in the freezer for up to three months. I put one in last night, and when I checked this morning, it was fucking dead.