A mother is tidying her sons bedroom and finds a stack of bondage and fetish magazines.
She asks her husband what to do.
He said “well whatever you do don’t fuckin spank him” !!!
I went to the pub and asked if they did ‘cash-back’.
“Yes we do”… replied the barmaid.
“Good”, I said. “Can I have the £50 I spent last night…..the wife’s going fucking mental!”
“I got fired today,” I told my mate…..”for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash.”
“That’s a bit harsh”, he replied.
“They don’t fuck around at Air Traffic Control”, I said.
Paddy and Mick in the jungle see a man’s head sticking out of a crocodiles mouth.
Paddy says “look at that posh bastard in his Lacoste sleeping bag” !! ………..
There’s funny and weird new trend in the canteen at work as people are putting names on food in the company fridge.
Today I had a cheese sandwich called “Bob”. Fucking lovely!!