Wife: "I wish I had bigger tits" Husband: "Try rubbing paper between them" Wife:"Do you think that works?" Husband: "Well it did for your fucking arse!"
Got attacked by two thugs the other night but somehow I managed to knock one out..... Bit of an inopportune time, I know, but it scared them off....
My friend asked me if I wanted to wind her new born baby? I thought that was a bit harsh......so I just gave him a dead leg instead.
But Not Big To Kong is so amazingly incredibly addictive, if it’d been around in ancient times Moses would’ve taken two copies into the Ark with him, and locked himself in the bog for a week with some wet wipes. Or was that the other bloke with the beard?
I lost two things today. My virginity....... And my job at the morgue.
My new girlfriend really hates it when I use the words "dick head" and "twat". So I've promised to make a real effort to learn her kids real names.
Old Macdonald had Tourettes... E, I, E, I, TWAT!