What is soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you wake up? Vomit
Those bastards in the pub, they told me it would be okay to keep a chicken in the freezer for up to three months. I put one in last night, and when I checked this morning, it was fucking dead.
I was in the supermarket and I saw a sign saying "try something new today". So I shat in one of their freezers and stole a trolley load of booze.
I got caught in a shower last week. Thats the last time I try to fuck a plughole!
And hey....... How do you make a woman scream for an hour after sex?Wipe your knob on the curtains.
Why did God create Eve? Adam demanded it, as soon as he discovered that he couldn’t suck his own cock. 🤔🤭😄😄
My uncle was jailed for his beliefs. He believed you could wank on the bus. 🤔🤭💦🤣🤪